That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
