This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm too high and old for this...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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