I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
