i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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