I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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