that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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