I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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