I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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