I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
