you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
