Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
