He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
