I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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