I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
