Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
