I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
