apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
