Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
