im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
