Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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