Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
