My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
