Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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