at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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