I'm going to jail i love you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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