you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
