Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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