You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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