3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
