and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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