When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
