can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Green mimosas i think yes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
