He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
