Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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