evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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