my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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