I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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