dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
