Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
