Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
