She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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