did you get engaged???
I am midnight drunk by noon
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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