Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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