life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
