I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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