i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
