This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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