He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
