Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
