It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize