i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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