do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
