grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
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I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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