the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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