something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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