dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
