There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
