So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
