Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
