Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
