Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
