Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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