Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
