i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
