I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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