I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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