She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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