pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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