Me. At least after what I've been through.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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