he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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